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Life and relationships aren’t always perfect. Take a minute to think of some difficult people you have to deal with in your life? These may be people you work with, the in-laws that come to town throughout the year, or your neighbor who can’t seem to take a hint. For whatever reason, you’re just not jiving with these people.
Do you flee? Or, do you get flexible and learn to interact?
When we encounter these extreme personalities it can feel like they are trying to make our life miserable, but more often than not, it’s simply learning about these peoples’ tendencies and how to interact in a more tactful way. Some conflicts are unavoidable and shouldn’t be smoothed over or suppressed, though it’s learning to deal with our differences, and how to understand, resolve, and learn from these interactions that’s important.
Tips to dealing with problem people
Once we know our personality tendencies we can learn to recognize other peoples’ personalities and adapt and interact in a more effective way.
Consider how you can communicate verbally and through body language in the most effective way with these different types of people to build rapport and make them feel understood.
Just because you apply these ideas doesn’t mean that people will always respond in a positive manner. The only person you have control is yourself, so to make sure that an unhealthy conflict doesn’t ensue work to build these traits.
Managing conflict is being there with:
Here are some signs of constructive and healthy conflict.
You’ll know you’re on the right track when the following ideas are present.
Conflict is constructive when:
Developing patience and tact to deal with others more effectively is a skill that can be applied in many areas of life. Continuing developing your ability to connect and influence others in a positive way.
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Written on 1/28/2012 by Joe Wilner. Joe Wilner is a coaching and writer who manages www.shakeoffthegrind.com, where he inspires and empowers people to live a full, meaningful, and thriving life. You can also follow him on Twitter at @shakethegrind. | Photo Credit: spaceamoeba |
This post is from staff writer April Dykman.
One of the tenets of personal finance is to pay yourself first. And one of the most sure-fire ways to make sure you do that is to automate your savings: setup your checking account to make an automatic deposit to your saving accounts.
Automation has been incredibly effective for me. I have targeted sub-accounts for property taxes, auto repairs, house savings, and more — a tactic I learned about here. The first year my husband and I had to pay property taxes, however, the billing statement felt like it came out of nowhere — was it really due already? Luckily we had the cash, thanks in part to a very generous wedding gift sent the month before, but that was pure luck. If not for that, we would have had to suspend our debt repayment and possibly dip into our tiny (but growing) emergency fund. When we paid property taxes the next year (and every year since), all I had to do was transfer the money from savings into our checking account, then pay the bill. Much less stressful!
Automation on uncertain income
One of the downsides of being self-employed, however, is that my income is irregular. Irregular income is a reality for most freelancers, as well as people who are paid on commission or on tips, to name a few.
We still have the important expenses — like home insurance, taxes, and retirement contributions — on automation, but a large chunk of our income is being directed toward saving to build our house. Since I’m never sure exactly how much I’ll make each month, I’ve been hesitant to designate a set amount to be automatically withdrawn for that particular savings account. What if a client was late sending payment? And what if that automatic transfer slipped my mind and I forgot to cancel it for the month?
Instead, I’ve waited until bills were paid and automated withdraws cleared, then transferred the remainder (minus some padding that I leave in checking) to our house savings account.
This has worked out okay, but sometimes I forget to make the transfer, and then I’m stuck trying to sort through how much was left at the end of last month, along with whatever expenses we’ve had since then. Also, I like having a system — with automated payments, I can predict how much will be in our account in six months or a year. This is particularly helpful for our house savings account, since we’re paying cash to build our home. Finally, there’s no temptation to spend the money. We’re pretty good about that, but with automation, it’s becomes a certainty.
Found savings
This month our income and expenses had some big changes. In order from smallest to largest, here’s what has changed:
With these savings and the new expense, we now have $594 of “found” money. This money used to be tied up in other expenses, and even after I quit my day job a year-and-a-half ago, we never had a problem paying them.
I realized this is a perfect time to automate our house savings. Instead of making the transfer of the extra $600 each month (may as well round up, right?), I set up an automatic transfer of $600 from our checking account to our savings. Of course I’ll still have to transfer anything above that amount, but for now, the $600 inches me closer to automation.
Additional income, snowballed
A little excited about the idea of automating our house savings (I’m kinda nerdy like that), I started to think about other ways to automate more of our savings.
Right now I’m talking with a client about working together on a more regular basis. This client has always paid on time, and I’d be writing for them biweekly. This new income source could be funneled into our automated house savings, since it will be predictable (well, as predictable as an income source or job can be). I can do the same thing with any future, regular work.
I held off on automating our house savings because of my irregular income, but even people with a fluctuating salary can automate a good portion of their savings. Start with found money from paying off debt or cancelling a subscription you haven’t used in months, then increase the amount even more if you have extra, regular income (above what you need to pay the bills). This might be income from a second job, a side business, or overtime you work regularly, as examples.
Finally, remember that even small amounts will start to add up. That’s something I dismiss sometimes because a few dollars doesn’t seem like enough to make a difference. But if we downgrade our Netflix membership, something I’ve been considering based on our rental history, I plan to add the $8 savings to the automatic savings deposit — I guess I’m feeling extra motivated!
If you have an irregular income, what is your savings system? Do you automate your savings, or do you have a hybrid system like mine?
The Obama administration is taking another swing at improving its main foreclosure prevention program.
Many people think they can plan on spending less later in retirement since they’ll become less active as they age. But if their health declines, they may actually shift spending rather than reduce it. Do you think it’s risky to plan as if one’s expenses will go down later in retirement? –Tim, U.K.
Be proactive before you make the switch to full time entrepreneurship. It’s a statement often dished out and applied to people who attempt to do something they’re not very good at, a statement made to discourage those who are seeking out an alternative career path: “don’t quit your day job”. In the entrepreneurial world, this [...]
Want To Be Your Own Boss? Steps To Take Before Going Solo
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New home sales had their worst year on record in 2011, with the estimate of 302,000 single-family homes the lowest reported annual total since the Census Bureau started tracking the data in 1963.
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The WSJ Wealth Report blog talked about a Pew Research Center study that attempted to find the origins of the conflict between rich and poor, which has been playing out in the headlines lately. While the main story talked about the impression of significant conflict between the rich and poor, the part that interested me was the same one that caught Robert Frank’s eye – did the rich get rich from hard work or their social network? That poll showed that 46% of respondents thought they were born with money or knew the right people, while 43% thought hard work, ambition or education was the root reason.
There obviously isn’t a definite answer, there will probably never be, but the question is an intriguing one. My belief is that both are necessary and the more you have of either, the higher your probability for finding success. Whether that success comes in the form of money or in the form of achievements, it’s hard to argue that you can be successful without hard work, ambition, education, or knowing the right people. Whether you’re rich depends on where you point yourself. You can be a successful philanthropist and not have a high net worth, you’d still be seen as very successful, you just chose a different path.
What do you think?
Your Take: Hard Work or Connections? from personal finance blog Bargaineering.com.
One common request from new GRS readers is some sort of central location where they can find a list of introductory articles to guide their progress. This is a great idea, and I’m working on it. Some of the GRS elves are working on a “Guide to Money” that will provide some of this info, but I envision a single page that collects all of the relevant articles for folks starting out.
In the meantime, folks like Ashley are hoping they can get some help now. Ashley writes:
I’m a new reader to the blog and just wanted to say thanks for presenting often overwhelming information in a digestible manner. As someone whose former financial philosophy was “ignorance is bliss”, GRS has played an integral part in my transformation from 30 year old faux-dult to real, live adult, at least in the personal finance category.
My question is this: What does a generally healthy personal financial portfolio look like? What are some must-haves for everyone and in what order should I work on getting them? It seems like a simple question, I know, but I’m picking myself up from living paycheck to paycheck and struggling with debt and I want to set some goals: savings, debt, retirement, investments (gulp). I realize it’s hard to generalize, but what do a good adult’s finances look like?
Ashley’s right: It is hard to generalize. Everyone is different, with different strengths, different weaknesses, and different goals. Still, it’s possible to make a few recommendations. There’s a core group of financial structures that I believe are important to everyone. And there are many ways to customize a “personal financial portfolio” (as Ashley calls it) in order address you own personal aims.
Building a Base
When I talk with people about how they should set up their finances, I generally recommend the following:
These are some of the basics, though not all of them. These core skills and habits can help almost anyone get started on the path to prosperity.
Customizing Your Course
Once you’ve become accustomed to the basics, it’s important to customize your financial habits and structures to reflect your personal skills, goals, and psychology.
For instance, some folks are opposed to debt in all forms. These people avoid credit cards, certainly, and often try to avoid mortgage debt as well. Other GRS readers love credit cards. They never abuse them, never carry a balance, never pay any sorts of fees. And some are eager to carry a low-rate, long-term mortgage because they figure they can put that money to work elsewhere to earn a better return.
Another example is automation. For most people, automation is liberating. By creating a system whereby you make automatic contributions to saving, to your retirement plan, and to your bills, you take the weakest link — you — out of the chain. But for a few people, automation actually creates problems. For these folks, it’s important to do things manually.
So, you see, once you have a solid financial base, you begin to build a customized financial framework based on your personal needs. And these needs are determined by your goals.
Until you have personal financial goals, you can’t really know what’s “healthy” for you. Emergency funds are a great example. Some folks — such as Trent at The Simple Dollar — don’t feel comfortable unless they have sizable emergency fund, such as a year (or more) of monthly income. I, on the other hand, am okay with six months worth of expenses in savings. Based on my psychological make-up and my personal goals, this is plenty.
Reader Response
My own financial profile? Let’s see if I can summarize it quickly:
There’s more to it than this, of course. That’s where you come in. Until I’ve had a chance to compile a beginner’s guide to personal financial mastery, Ashley’s best bet is to listen to the advice of GRS readers.
What do you think? What advice do you have for Ashley? Is there such thing as a one-size-fits-all starter financial portfolio? If so, what does it look like? How does it change with time? If not, then what do you think different people should do (and have) at different stages in life?
Want to be a landlord? Here are some points to consider. For those of us who are investors, real estate has been considered as a decent, long-term investment that can provide us with some reasonable level of diversification. Its historical returns have been somewhat lower than stock market returns over the long run as measured [...]
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Copyright 2011 TheDigeratiLife.com All rights reserved.
Mortgage rates headed upward this week, ending a three-week stretch of all-time lows for 30-year fixed-rate loans.
Read More at MortgageLoan.com